No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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