My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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