O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also, beer. Big fan.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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