he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize