maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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