You can't special order awesome
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
