and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
