I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
be right there i have to get my cape
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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