Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
