It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
