Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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