I think I just saw someone hide a body.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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