Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
