dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
