If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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