i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
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