Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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