did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
