I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
