You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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