he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
