She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
