So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Randomize
