she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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