u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
