Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
