I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
