I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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