They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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