Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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