thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
