She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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