What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
