all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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