we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
