I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
