it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
