glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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