Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
