They should really pass out barf bags in church
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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