Christians are straight up FREAKS
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize