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$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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