I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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