How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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