i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
