We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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