could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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