Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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