i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
