Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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