..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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