You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
