so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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