Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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