my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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