No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
