Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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