If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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