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I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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