Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
