a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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