so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize