the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
