There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
