dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
