but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
