check it out our google latitudes are spooning
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dicks are not precious.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
