i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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