He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
